This past spring a light bulb went off for me.
EUREKA! ………OMG!…….HOLY SHIT!!
During AND several years AFTER high school (maybe even middle school), I was afraid that maybe I was…..possibly…..crazy. It would most often happen in school, although I remember it happening in other places, too. One incident stands out in my memory. It was math class. I think I was about fourteen or fifteen years old. Pretty sure it was during a test because everyone was quiet and looking down at their desks. Suddenly I felt very anxious. It seemed as though everything around me was loud, even the air. I’m not really sure how else to explain it………Every movement, every stroke of the pencil seemed violent and exaggerated. There was also an extremely unsettled, nervous feeling which accompanied this “loudness“. I remember looking around to see if anyone else was freaking out or if it was just me. I was trying to stay calm. I suppose it eventually passed because I don’t remember anything else happening that day.
I tried asking a couple different people if they could relate to this at all but NO ONE knew what I was talking about! Lisa (an older, sister-like role model) suggested that maybe I was picking up on a crowd’s energy from another place. Like a psychic anomaly or something. I think she put that out there because when I was trying to explain to her what my freak-out was like I said it seemed as though it was very loud all around me. Almost like I was hearing hundreds of voices talking over one another; chaotic.
I eventually stopped trying to ask around because I didn’t want anyone to think I was , well….crazy.
HOLY CRAP…..THEY WERE PANIC ATTACKS!!!
DING! DING! DING!