It’s coming back…….

or maybe it never left?

This familiar sadness lurks within my middle, weighing me down. My mouth has no desire to open. Even words feel heavy and slow; thick like molasses. What happened to my drive? Where did my excitement for the future run off to? I feel like I’m stuck up to my waist in mud and there’s nothing to grab onto. I can’t see any tree limbs or branches to rescue me, so there I slowly sink. There was a fantastic vine I had a firm grip on….for a while. I’m not sure if I let go because my hands were too weak or if I simply lost my grip. As for grabbing onto another vine…………well, the ones I can see seem to be out of reach at the moment.

How do I keep going when it feels as though things will never change?

I’m so frustrated!

Why does this need to “feel loved” by my husband have to dictate my general, everyday attitude? So my husband isn’t physically affectionate. Must my desire for affection be such a debilitation? Must it forever hold me back from enjoying my life because I don’t know how much allotted time I have left on this earth! What is it in ME that prevents me from being true to myself regardless of what other people in my life are doing? I want to feel like I’m on top of the world again! I don’t want to do the sad and mopey thing……I cannot allow myself to slip back into that pit. I think I need to continue taking care of myself and let God take care of everything else.

Dear God, gotta get my focus back so that maybe I can be a blessing to someone before I die. Please help me do what I need to do in order to live my life to the fullest, according to your will.

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