I’ve been sittin’ here on me arse fantasizing ’bout all the great things I could do for others if only I had this or I had that……meanwhile, my house is a mess and I can feel my mid-section jiggle a bit when I walk. These things do not make for a happy gal in her late thirties. Where did my gusto go? It got up and went! But I know the only one to blame is me. I cannot allow myself to slip back into old habits. I’ve come too far in this last year and a half to just give up because my goals are “taking too long”. I’ve stopped doing the very things that were keeping me alive. I don’t draw, sing in the shower or dance to music and I haven’t been writing or journaling…well, except for facebook if that counts.

I keep using the excuse of having no money and although it CAN BE a very legitimate reason for certain delays, it is not a good reason for my dirty bathroom. It is not a good reason for my lack of physical bodily movement. Lack of cash shouldn’t hinder me from cleaning our toilet on a regular basis. No. The only thing standing between me and my fantasies of a clean home and fit body is…….me.

I don’t really want my own reality show. I used to, but that was when I had ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE about life. I was definitely lacking in the wisdom department. But knowing cameras would be on me and all over my business sounds to me like quite the motivational kick in the ass to do what I’m supposed to do everyday. I know God sees everything I do so why isn’t that as big of a motivation? It should be my biggest motivation.

I suppose I don’t need such drastic measures of surrounding myself with a camera crew for self-motivation. I never have visitors so I haven’t cared about housework. All I really need to do is just invite someone over for dinner or something. Duh.

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