I wrote a piece a while back about how I lost my virginity. After much counsel with women I trust I made the decision to declare that I had lost my virginity to rape. And even though I believe it to be technically true, I still struggle with the use of this word. It’s such a harsh word. And I feel as though I still don’t have the right to use it because there was no screaming or physical violence involved. I know that I am partly responsible for what happened. But he DID know that something was wrong…why else would he have gotten off of me? Problem is, I was completely frozen from shock (which is why he stopped….for 2 seconds). Despite the fact that I could not move or speak he still felt the need to get back on top of me to finish what he had originally started WITHOUT MY PERMISSION. But I was a naked fool for ever trusting that it wouldn’t go past a certain point. And since that awful experience I have met a few different guys along the way who showed amazing self control (even when I wasn’t) because they actually respected my convictions. Yet I still struggle with the right to use the word rape.