About 45 minutes before I saw this video clip I was crying out to God about how I feel like, if I can’t live my life to its’ fullest potential, what’s the point? I’ve been “just existing” for a while now and I’m not sure how much longer I can stand it. Problem is, I don’t know how to “jump”. Where do I jump to? I’ve been stuck in a specific place and I don’t know how to move forward without God making a way. I’m worried that I missed my chances to flourish. I self-sabotaged so many opportunities because of fear and insecurity. Life promotions are great but if you don’t have the character, the self-confidence, the right attitude then you won’t be able to hold onto that promotion. Been working on myself and I feel that I now have the tools I was lacking in the past…problem is the opportunities are no longer presenting themselves. Some paint job requests have come my way recently but I had to turn them down because I don’t have the proper work space in which to do them. It’s very frustrating because that would have allowed me to contribute financially since my husband works like a dog everyday to support us both. I fear I may have blown it and now I have to deal with the consequences of my past character flaws. The trial has lasted so long that I’ve lost all ambition, drive, and inspiration. The place in which I find myself has left me with zero motivation. I’m like an empty shell just going through the motions. The bible tells me not to grow weary but sometimes it is quite difficult to avoid.  I tend to think that this is just how it has to be until I go to heaven so I need to just suck it up. Or perhaps there is still more I need to learn before my life can move forward? I know I’m most certainly not finished with self-improvement, but are we ever?! I’m hoping God will show me what to do or where to go or both because I have no idea. Used to think I knew what I wanted but now I’m not sure. I do know that God knows what I need even if I don’t…just wish He’d show me.


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