My general, emotional state is quite heavy today. I’ve grown weary.
Last night I attended another miracle meeting on zoom and to my surprise, after waiting almost three and a half hours, I was located by the Holy Spirit. Unfortunately, my internet connection was terrible and I was unable to fully communicate with the Pastor and vice versa. I managed to explain how I finally understand the difference between receiving the Holy Spirit (when I first believed) and being baptized with the Holy Spirit (in order to be “clothed with power from on high.”) I said I NEED the baptism with the Holy Spirit and fire but I can’t help but feel that something is blocking my ability to receive this promise.
In response, Pastor Mark said he was seeing a boyfriend from my past who had issues with demons and passed one on to me (I’m paraphrasing). This spirit has hindered my life (clearly). I think if the connection had been running smoothly I would have been able to talk more freely with this pastor and answer him in a far more expansive way, but the connection kept breaking up. With a frozen screen, they proceeded to pray for me despite the lack of audio/video. He commanded the spirit to come out in the mighty name of Jesus Christ. I felt nothing, but I know that doesn’t mean nothing will happen.
As they were moving on to someone else he did hear me sobbing and said, “She must be experiencing the Holy Spirit.” I was actually crying out of a deep desperation and frustration for a word and guidance from the Lord. And I wanted to receive my baptism and deliverance but it didn’t happen…again. Stupid internet.
But maybe this is a good thing. Desperation is always helpful when truly seeking God for breakthrough.
I will not stop asking. I will not stop seeking. I shall persist until it is given me . . .
5Then Jesus said to them, “Suppose one of you goes to his friend at midnight and says, ‘Friend, lend me three loaves of bread, 6because a friend of mine has come to me on a journey, and I have nothing to set before him.’
7And suppose the one inside answers, ‘Do not bother me. My door is already shut, and my children and I are in bed. I cannot get up to give you anything.’
8I tell you, even though he will not get up to provide for him because of his friendship, yet because of the man’s persistence, he will get up and give him as much as he needs.
9So I tell you: Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened to you. 10For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.
11What father among you, if his son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? 12Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? 13So if you who are evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!” -Luke 11: 5-13
“For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things.” -Psalm 107:9