My general, emotional state is quite heavy today. I’ve grown weary.

Last night I attended another miracle meeting on zoom and to my surprise, after waiting almost three and a half hours, I was located by the Holy Spirit. Unfortunately, my internet connection was terrible and I was unable to fully communicate with the Pastor and vice versa. I managed to explain how I finally understand the difference between receiving the Holy Spirit (when I first believed) and being baptized with the Holy Spirit (in order to be “clothed with power from on high.”) I said I NEED the baptism with the Holy Spirit and fire but I can’t help but feel that something is blocking my ability to receive this promise.

In response, Pastor Mark said he was seeing a boyfriend from my past who had issues with demons and passed one on to me (I’m paraphrasing). This spirit has hindered my life (clearly). I think if the connection had been running smoothly I would have been able to talk more freely with this pastor and answer him in a far more expansive way, but the connection kept breaking up. With a frozen screen, they proceeded to pray for me despite the lack of audio/video. He commanded the spirit to come out in the mighty name of Jesus Christ. I felt nothing, but I know that doesn’t mean nothing will happen.

As they were moving on to someone else he did hear me sobbing and said, “She must be experiencing the Holy Spirit.” I was actually crying out of a deep desperation and frustration for a word and guidance from the Lord. And I wanted to receive my baptism and deliverance but it didn’t happen…again. Stupid internet.

But maybe this is a good thing. Desperation is always helpful when truly seeking God for breakthrough.

I will not stop asking. I will not stop seeking. I shall persist until it is given me . . .

5Then Jesus said to them, “Suppose one of you goes to his friend at midnight and says, ‘Friend, lend me three loaves of bread, 6because a friend of mine has come to me on a journey, and I have nothing to set before him.’

7And suppose the one inside answers, ‘Do not bother me. My door is already shut, and my children and I are in bed. I cannot get up to give you anything.’

8I tell you, even though he will not get up to provide for him because of his friendship, yet because of the man’s persistence, he will get up and give him as much as he needs.

9So I tell you: Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened to you. 10For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.

11What father among you, if his son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? 12Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? 13So if you who are evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him! -Luke 11: 5-13


“For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things.” -Psalm 107:9


4 responses »

  1. capost2k says:

    Hi, Mindy.
    I recommend a book by Jack Hayford, one of the founders of Church on the Way in California: The Beauty of Spiritual Language.
    In it he points out that the Bible does NOT give a one-size-fits-all prescription for baptism in the Holy Spirit, but gently leads Christ-followers through a Biblical exegesis of the work of the Holy Spirit. Good reading for anyone with a heart desiring to get close to God.
    A word of caution about your ex-boyfriend’s demonization. C.S.Lewis noted that demons enjoy two extremes of belief about themselves. One is an unhealthy obsession with finding them under every rock; the other is an ignorant assumption that they don’t exist or act against us. The best idea is to saturate your mind with Scripture, trusting our Father, as Luke 11 points out, that He will not let you be continually misled if you are seeking Truth.
    yours and His,

    • Oh wow, thanks for taking the time to comment! Excuse me while I get over the shock of someone actually reading something I wrote!
      I will have to check out that book, thank you. I’ve been meaning to post some more about this particular journey of mine because I am finding a lot of testimonies that are similar to me; Christians not receiving right away but who kept persisting until it finally happened. I just haven’t been focused enough to write lately. So, perhaps this book you have suggested will shed some more light for me.
      As far as demons go, I agree. I’ve listened to a lot of teachings by Derek Prince and he also said not to assume everyone has a demon. But one thing I don’t agree with, that Derek Prince taught, is that it’s not scriptural to have to wait for this baptism because, in the scriptures, everyone received immediately after Pentecost. Like you just said, “the Bible does NOT give a one-size-fits-all prescription for baptism in the Holy Spirit.” What the Lord has shown me in the scriptures is an ongoing theme of seeking Him first with persistence/diligence.
      So, even though I know demons are not behind every single detail of life, I do feel the church doesn’t give it enough attention, either. They attack more than most realize, especially if we are a threat to the kingdom of darkness. I went to so many churches over the years that never mentioned demonic activity once. But Jesus delivered a whole lot of people from demons during His ministry! I think there are a lot of people out there giving demons medical terms, but like I said, I know not every condition is demonic. My ex-boyfriend (from over 25 years ago) was definitely demonized, though. He was very abusive to me and was a drug addict and an alcoholic. He was extremely tormented (his family, too). He passed away over a year and a half ago and I do hope he found peace.
      I myself have been experiencing gradual deliverances over the years, one which was deliverance from depression five years ago…

      or more recently…

      I’m just grateful that the Holy Spirit continues to teach me and guide me as I seek His Truth. I don’t pretend to know all the answers that’s for sure! But I enjoy writing about my journey as I continually discover more about myself and our Lord. Thanks again for the encouragement and guidance, Mindy

      • capost2k says:

        Hi, Mindy.
        Thanx for your thorough and thoughtful reply.
        Re your abusive ex: another book I would recommend is Forgiving What You Can’t Forget by Lysa TerKeurst. Amazing insights from this lady on how to work through past wounds.
        I will add you to my daily “prayer walk.” Blessings, dear sister.

      • Awe, thanks so much! I can honestly say I worked through all the hurt and I forgave him a long time ago; even told him so in writing. It was a very long time ago. But that book may be helpful in other areas! LOL! Although, now that I think of it… I do find it difficult forgiving myself for putting myself in that mess to begin with…so, thanks again! Gotta go…have a lot of reading to do! Haha!

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